Of Mice and Metamorphosis

You changed. I've watched it happen, sitting silently on the sidelines, growing concerned and fearful. I watched you change into something I never thought you would be. You were once the most optimistic person I knew. You kept my afloat in the roughest of waters, always sure things would be good again. You never lost your hope, your smile. You were always the one laughing, always the one cheering those around you, healing even the deepest of hurts. So full of life and joy, so open, so warm. I look at you know and can barely see the shadow of that sweet, confident, buoyant boy. I can't stand the man you've become. All you do is hate. You've become so negative and hurtful. You've lost your compassion and now only look down upon those around you. A suffering friend now gets only the response of "at least it isn't me" out of you. You have no hope, and see only ugliness. You hurt the people you once would have given anything for, but more so you hurt yourself. Then you use your self-inflicted wounds to fuel your anger, your distrust, your indifference toward everything. What happened to you? How did that boy grow into this man?

I've changed. I'm not sure how or when, but I think it's called growing up. I've shed the timid, lost child and become the woman I always longed to someday be. I've found contentment in the parts of myself I once viewed as bad. I no longer try to fit in, but have learned to embrace what i've aways been. I see the world around me so much differently now...there's more beauty than I ever knew. Even in darkness and solitude, there is peace, quiet, comfort. Where once I saw a useless weed damaging the sidewalk, I now see the hopeful flower, growing in spite of everything. I used to keep everything so deeply inside and shun those around me, and now I crave the comfort of others....I feel the joy brought by connections, even the most fleeting ones. I was a girl that hadn't found her voice, never spoke a word, that has changed into a woman singing at every chance.

We've traded places, you and I. Both grown from children to adults. In a few short years we came together, got lost in the big bad world. Along the way, we lost each other as well. Somewhere one of us turned off. Did you take this new path of discontent and jaded pessimism? Or was it I that wandered off, frolicking into the sunny open fields of "life is beautiful"? Where did our hands come apart? Why didn't we notice the other was gone?