Of Mice and Metamorphosis

You changed. I've watched it happen, sitting silently on the sidelines, growing concerned and fearful. I watched you change into something I never thought you would be. You were once the most optimistic person I knew. You kept my afloat in the roughest of waters, always sure things would be good again. You never lost your hope, your smile. You were always the one laughing, always the one cheering those around you, healing even the deepest of hurts. So full of life and joy, so open, so warm. I look at you know and can barely see the shadow of that sweet, confident, buoyant boy. I can't stand the man you've become. All you do is hate. You've become so negative and hurtful. You've lost your compassion and now only look down upon those around you. A suffering friend now gets only the response of "at least it isn't me" out of you. You have no hope, and see only ugliness. You hurt the people you once would have given anything for, but more so you hurt yourself. Then you use your self-inflicted wounds to fuel your anger, your distrust, your indifference toward everything. What happened to you? How did that boy grow into this man?

I've changed. I'm not sure how or when, but I think it's called growing up. I've shed the timid, lost child and become the woman I always longed to someday be. I've found contentment in the parts of myself I once viewed as bad. I no longer try to fit in, but have learned to embrace what i've aways been. I see the world around me so much differently now...there's more beauty than I ever knew. Even in darkness and solitude, there is peace, quiet, comfort. Where once I saw a useless weed damaging the sidewalk, I now see the hopeful flower, growing in spite of everything. I used to keep everything so deeply inside and shun those around me, and now I crave the comfort of others....I feel the joy brought by connections, even the most fleeting ones. I was a girl that hadn't found her voice, never spoke a word, that has changed into a woman singing at every chance.

We've traded places, you and I. Both grown from children to adults. In a few short years we came together, got lost in the big bad world. Along the way, we lost each other as well. Somewhere one of us turned off. Did you take this new path of discontent and jaded pessimism? Or was it I that wandered off, frolicking into the sunny open fields of "life is beautiful"? Where did our hands come apart? Why didn't we notice the other was gone?

love letters

To you-

Hello, my love. I just wanted to write and tell you how amazing you are. I love you so much. You're so sweet and caring. I treasure every second with you. I love the way you sneak up behind me and wrap your arms around me waist. I love the way you hold me, kiss me, look at me. I love that we can stay up all night, talking about anything and everything...from trivial joking to deep philosophical pondering. I love that you truly listen to what I say, and respect me for my opinions and beliefs. You make me feel beautiful, loved, protected, smart, funny, desired and needed. I love that I can feel your love for me in every touch, see it in every smile, hear it in every whisper.

I know things aren't always perfect. We get mad at each other, we yell, we hurt each other's feelings sometimes. But each bad moment is so heavily outweighed by the good. I don't want perfect, anyways...where is the fun in that? I love our crazy life, and all the wonderful adventures we have and will continue to have. There's a big world out there, and I wouldn't want to see it with anyone else but you. You, who understands that the flower you pick out of a field will mean more to me than any store bought gift ever could. You, that I can cuddle, travel, relax, explore, debate, or just sit and do nothing with. I love that you're content whether we are out dancing all night, or just sitting and reading as the sun sets. You don't care if we're out until sunrise at concert, or just laying in the yard watching the clouds roll by.

You make me the best possible version of myself. I hope so much that I mean that same to you...that I make you feel all the joy, peace, wonder, passion, amusement, hope and love that you give to me.

P.S. ~ I hope I meet you soon...

the perils of air travel

And no, I don't mean the cost. I mean, yeah that part is getting crazy, but I can deal with it.

Not the security lines, either. I actually rather like getting to show off my crazy socks, and my laptop easily returns to my bag once I'm through the line.

I'm not even talking about the other people. I've been stuck with the ill, belligerent, and crying masses. Annoying? Occasionally. But nothing to quit flying over. Hell, I've been the ill myself. (which reminds me...don't fly with a bad head cold. It will hurt your ears immensely, and leave you deaf for several days.)

No, the perils I speak of are the missed moments. Flying, while quicker, robs you of the experience travel is supposed to be. Like the old saying, "it's not the destination, but the journey." 

When you drive, you have an experience. You cram everyone into the old car, suitcases and coolers blocking the windows, radio blasting. You get lost, you pull off the road, you take a detour or the much beloved "scenic route" (fatherly code for "I'm lost but it'll work out.") You see cute little towns, out of the way attractions, and giant food on sticks. You stop at crappy little motels. You make memories.

I grew up travelling. My first road trip was when I was 4, from my home in Michigan to Disney World in Florida. In the time since, I've never really stopped roaming. That first trip was followed by two more to the World. There was also the nearly month long trek to the Great American West, which included the Grand Canyon, Mt. Rushmore, San Fransisco, Portland, Death Valley, Las Vegas...and so many other places. There was a similar journey throughout the east coast...New York, Boston, Plymouth, Myrtle Beach. I've also ventured into Canada several times, mostly Toronto, Niagara Falls, and Vancouver.  I've been to so many battlefields, ancient cemeteries, middle of nowhere diners, beaches, historic landmarks, national parks...but I'm not done. I will always ramble, I will always wander.

And I will always do it in a car, not on a plane. You loose too much up there, pretty as the view may be. You miss the best of the trip.

Craft Corner!

I'm not an overly "normal" girl. I spend a lot of my time in various costumes, or just dressing "weird" in daily life. Because of this, i've been turned onto the use of hair falls. These can be made of many things, from yarn to synthetic hair, and pretty much everything in between. Because of my skill level and budget, i've so far only attempted yarn falls. So, today's craft corner is Yarn Hair Falls!

What you need:

good, sharp scissors

scotch tape

pony tail holders

yarn

something to wrap (about 1/2 the length of how long you want your falls to be)

I generally use two or three different yarns. I also generally make one of those a "base color" that is similar to my own hair color, so a more well blended look. But that's just me, obviously you can choose whatever colors you'd like!

To start off, I like to unravel all the yarn before I do anything else. That way, if there are any knots/etc I can deal with them ahead of time.

Grab the thing you are using to wrap the yarn around. Depending on the length I've wanted the falls to be, I've used a book, my laptop, and the back of my dining room chair. I liked the length I got from the chair the best, so that's what I used this time as well. 

Grab one end of each yarn, and tape the in the center of your wrapping base, like so:

Now, wrap the yarn around your base until you reach the end of one of them. Cut the others to the same length as the one that ran out first. Now, using a little scrap of yarn or string, tie the yarn together in the center, opposite the side you taped down.

Carefully slide your yarn off of your base. Holding it where the bow is, cut entirely through the opposite side.

You should now have one long, straight bundle of yarn. Don't worry about the length being even now, that will come later. Untie your yarn and lay it out flat. Grab one of the pony tail holders. 

Now grab 2-3 strands of yarn. Fold the yarn in half. Put the rounded end through the pony holder, then pull the loose ends through the loop. Pull it as tight onto the pony holder as you can. Repeat this process until you get the fall as full as you want it, but leave a space on the pony holder with nothing on it.

* Note- the more strands you try to tie into one knot, the thicker the actual knot will be. This will mean that there will be less room to tie on others, and will result in a thinner/less full fall. Doing 2-3 strands at a time is tedious, but the end result is better*

So, that is how you make them. Now let's move on to wearing them!

To put the falls on, pull your hair into a high, tight bun or buns, depending on if you are doing a pony or pigtails. I prefer the look of pigtails.

Grab one of your falls. Decide which side should be the "front" or visible part of it. Place this part over your bun, against your head, so that the "back" is facing up. Wrap the empty part of the pony holder around your bun. Stick in a few clips or bobby pins. Flip your head up. The finished look:

I made these ones without a base color, so they don't blend as well with my hair. These particular falls are for a rave though, so I wanted them really bright, and i'm hoping the white will glow in the blacklights. Here are some others I have made using my base color: